Not just an ordinary day

I can't pretend that today is an ordinary day because it is not. Five years ago today the world changed forever, mine included. One of my first thought as I watch the events unfold was, "Oh my God, what kind of a world have I brought my child into. She was 10 months old at the time. Above is one of the first collages I ever did. I have the collage wrapped in a mesh that resembles a chain link fence, I took it off so you could read it. Tourist grapple with seeing ground zero or not. This article was written a few months after the attacks. It struck me for some reason. I never have or will understand why. I had no plans to go to New York as I was afraid to fly before September 11th. I just knew if I was in New York I would struggle with the decision to go to ground zero or not. It was a place where thousands had lost their lives, hallowed ground, not a tourist attraction. It was also place where so much history happened in one single day. Was it disrespectful to all that died there to not go and pay your respects? I felt guilty for feeling so strongly about New York with so many other losing their lives at the Pentagon, and on the planes. I think it was watching the towers fall. That to me was just...

Fast forward to 2003, I was pregnant with my second child and had the opportunity to accompany my sister to New York. The decision to join her was easy. However I did struggle the whole time I was there with the question above. We stayed on Chambers Street which is well within walking distance of Ground Zero. On my last day there I made the decision to go. I will forever be grateful that I did. When I arrived I saw signs, signs that immediately told me others had been there and it was ok. There was a huge sign stating that the Governors of New York, New Jersey and the Mayor of New York had put this make shift memorial in place so people like me could mourn and honor all the people who lost their lives here. There was also a huge sign with all the Heros of September 11th, names of all the people that had died that day. I felt a deep, guttural wave of sadness but then a peacefulness. I am suppose to be here. I want each and every person who lost there life to know that I am sorry they are gone.

I will always remember. I will never forget.